mental health

Let There Be Light

Why is my world falling apart? There is a sadness inside of me that is so black. I’m not sure how long I will be in this state of mind. I’m alone with my dog, and I want anything but to be alone right now. I need a distraction so my mind won’t take me to the thoughts that I had yesterday of thinking that my life doesn’t have much to offer me. 

I feel useless and unloved. I feel under appreciated and tired. I feel lost and empty. As my fiancé walked out the door this morning to go to a get together with his friends, I went into a panic based on the fact that right now, I feel like I need him around to remain calm. I depend on him to help me talk through things and to help me settle down at night. He was supposed to attend his friend’s bachelor party weekend beginning last night, but I begged him to be with me because I was afraid. He is a walking saint.

I’ve always been so independent and enjoyed having moments where I got “me” time. It’s a shame how quickly that changes when your mental state is shaken. 

Let there be some sort of light that seeps into my soul and gives me the strength that I need. I’m worn down and tired of fighting. 

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